my healing story
My healing journey began about 15 years ago. I began to get curious about why I always had chronic bloating and stomach pains since I was little, it got so bad that after a few hospital visits in my early 20’s that I was finally diagnosed with celiac disease. I immediately went gluten free - took steps to heal my gut - cleaned up my diet. Things improved a little but still continued to have issues. Ten years of that looked like symptoms of cystic acne, debilitating period pain, cystic ovaries, malabsorption, chronic fatigue, chronic uti’s, yeast infections, chronic bloating, digestive pains, constipation and chronic fatigue which developed into adrenal insufficiency.
But all of these symptoms were coupled with years in toxic relationships, not knowing how to set boundaries, being taken advantage of, being at war with myself - believing that I wasn’t worthy of feeling healthy if this was my life. The way I approached life was one of force- in business, in relationships and with myself - I really believed that I could control everything.
In 2013 I received a diagnosis of Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis (second autoimmune disease) - I was relieved to get answered and felt justified in all of my symptoms (if you know you know) and yet the healing didn’t stop there.
In 2015 something beautiful would come into my life that I couldn’t have planned. I was asked to co-produce a documentary on the topic of awakening female sexuality. During the filming of this I would witness interviews with over 50 sexuality experts from healers to teachers to doctors to scientists! And I would have the opportunity to work with over a dozen on my own personal awakening. Over the course of this year I took a deep dive into the world where pleasure is medicine and the feminine is crying out to be healed.
It was on this project that I met a woman who would become my tantra teacher. I immediately signed up to coach with her, I wanted to know everything she knew. And it was then that I recognized my power I had within myself to heal. I took 300 hours of kundalini tantra yoga teacher training with her in Los Angeles, CA.
I got the calling to do some solo traveling in 2016, I went to the spiritual mecca that is Bali and then India for 3 months. I was on a personal quest to dive even further into this spiritual side to healing - honestly I had tried almost everything los angeles had to offer and I STILL knew there had to be more. On this trip I feel in love and then experienced a major heart break - only to discover later this would later this would actually break me open.
Once I returned to the states I was changed - I remember standing inside my business that I had built back in los angeles feeling so separate and recognized this was no longer my life anymore. What came next was intense….
The emotional heart break that took place was almost too much to bare. I returned back to take training in a women’s empowerment/sexual healing course called Venus Code once this ended my adrenals completely crashed out from under me. I began to have awarenesses of ways I had been living a life of loose boundaries and where it all began - how I had been carrying the weight of my unworthiness for so long and that my adrenals could no longer allow my to live life the way I had been…they gave out. Talk about a major wake up call.
So I got my shit together - I began to put into place the things I learned through my trainings and travels and filmmaking. I got really serious about making peace with my body and my feminine.
I enrolled in Nutrition School at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to learn about how to feed myself, and like so many things in my life I had no idea the expansiveness of the things I would learn in this course and that by nutrition they don’t just mean food but how you feed yourself in every area in life. I sought out a functional medicine doctor that could help me get the proper testing in needed because I learned that autoimmune disease IS caused by something and doesn’t JUST happen out of no where.
I discovered I had Epstein Barr Virus, Gut Dysbiosis, SIBO, Heavy Metal Toxicity, Multiple viruses, estrogen dominance, low progesterone and adrenal insufficiency. For one year I focused on healing these with combinations of IV treatments, colonics, supplements, enemas, food, pleasure, breath-work, lots of inward searching and choosing to change my environment to be surrounded by nature, and majorly leaning on my spiritual practices to get me through. It was a year and a half of dedicated healing for myself.
Things improved drastically - for the first time in my adult life I began to really feel like myself. I embraced all of me and really accepted me as I was.
In 2017, I began coaching clients and begin this new life I was envisioning for myself. And as my life would have it everything that was no longer serving me would fall apart. My business that I owned went bankrupt (through no fault of our own) and I had to sell everything, pack up all my belongings and decided to drive back to my home town for a little while. After so many years of what you just read - I needed a real break and a lot of time to regroup and go through some major lessons in surrendering.
In 2018, I worked as an assistant to a mentor who specialized in healing with pleasure through he modality of hypnosis. Another year of really diving into the feminine exploration of pleasure, learning to celebrate it, be bold and find safety in my expression as a sensual woman.
The end of 2018 I was invited to move and work privately in a home for someone and ended up packing my bags and following the new adventure. I was living in this environment for a month when I started to have symptoms that were unfamiliar- and some that were reminiscent of years before what I went through. I also fell back into a pattern of setting boundaries and them not being taken seriously and being an empath and I became depleted because of it.
I discovered it was mold, and that I had what’s called mycotoxin poisoning. Whoa. My health really crashed. And mostly I know that because of the emotional toll that was being taken my immune system couldn’t fight it off and took it all on.
It’s now been 3 months of detoxing from this, again going back to my trainings and incorporating pleasure for healing. Allowing my feminine body to really take the reigns here and heal herself. More and more lessons in surrendering and acceptance for where I’m at and where I’ve been.
What I know now is that in these deep healing crises it can feel like your world is falling apart. It can feel like there is no way out and that your body is going against you. But with each one - it’s been a recognition of where I’ve been out of alignment, where I’ve gone against my intuition or the messages my body is giving me and it’s life’s way of bringing me back to myself. It’s been lessons in returning back to the feminine way, back to boundaries and following through to stand for myself first.
And now after all of this becoming crystal clear in my purpose and exactly what I’m here to do - bring women back into their feminine. To give women permission and activate the power that lies within that holds the ability to heal. And also to teach how to speak the language of our bodies really understand the communication that is coming through and hear the call.
Because according to our body - we’ve got no time to waste my loves - the time is now - our bodies are calling.